Boy on Bottom

By Chris Desarno

You know what I love about sex?! That fact that it feels good. People should have lots of sex. Lots and lots of sex. Some people are like, "Chris, you shouldn't talk about sex so much and in such a frank and shocking manner" and I'm just like, "Hey, fuck you. I like sex."

Sex is good, clean fun. And even morons can do it. But people don't experiment with sex as much as they should. For instance, have you ever made love to a manequin? How about a nude clown? Clownsex can be fun, but remember to use protection ... cause STDs are no joke!

Sex is yummy ... like candy. Only sweeter. Like candy with sugar on top. Speaking of which, you should masturbate. Because masturbation is sex with someone you love. Woody Allen said that. Woody is another name for an erection. What I'm trying to say is that you should have lots of sex. SEX.

Guppy’s Journey

by Midnight

Amanda checked her toy chest once more. Guppy was present, as usual, and was now accompanied by an assortment of nameless metallic objects and shards of plastic ecstasy. Tonight would not be lacking for tools. The plan was simple: invite two traditionally heterosexual males, each without each other’s knowledge, to a nocturnal sexual foray, then coerce the pair into performing usually repugnant acts as payment for the promised favors. In short, Amanda planned to have fun. When the doorbell rang, Amanda removed Guppy’s girth from her lubricated orifice and adjusted her skirt. Doug had arrived with, it appeared, an erection. As he entered her house, he silently glanced at the furniture with unconsciously nodding approval.

“Nice tits,” he said to Amanda’s bare chest.

“I thank you.”Without a word, the floor began to gather Doug’s clothing. Only as his polka-dotted boxers obliged gravity did he notice Carlos’ nude figure in the kitchen. “Who the fuck is that?”

“Carlos. I thought he might join us.”

“Umm…”

“Carlos, do you mind if Doug joins us?”

Carlos responded with a confused look.

“Ah, yes. Carlos cannot speak. Not after I removed his larynx, anyway.” Doug’s penis had become noticeably less engorged after the third party’s sighting. Its rigidity had decreased further when Amanda had suggested a ménage à trios. The mention of surgery had resulted in complete flaccidity. “Poor baby. Let me help you up.” Amanda dropped to her knees and took Doug’s member into her mouth, licking the underside of its length. “You took a shower today. How thoughtful.” Uh…” As the blood began to return, Amanda began to nibble on the penis. Hard.“Ow! Bitch, cut it the fuck out. If you don’t start sucking like a good little…” He stopped as her teeth began to constrict at his cock’s base. “Whatever you like, fine with me.” She loosened her grip and resumed the pain/pleasure mix. Carlos, meanwhile, and begun masturbating. He couldn’t help worrying that Amanda might attempt something a bit more…humiliating tonight, and the thought eased his mind. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the rough sex. He just preferred when the effects were reversible. Amanda soon let the staff slide from her oral cavity, motioning to her males to follow. She led them into her bedroom. “Get on the bed.” They sat.

“Kiss each other.”

“Uh…Amanda…I’m not…” Doug stopped. He saw the look in her eyes and decided comply with her request. As the males tentatively kissed, both discovered that their instincts had not failed: it was as unpleasant in practice as it had seemed in theory. Nevertheless, their tongues continued to interact as Amanda’s toy chest opened. “Doug, I want you to take Guppy,” she said as she handed him a twelve-inch black dildo, “and insert it into Carlos’ ass. You may lube him with your tongue if you wish.” Doug did not wish. He pressed Guppy home. Hard. Carlos screamed and mentally kicked himself for believing that tonight’s events would transpire in a physically painless manner. Amanda masturbated and laughed while Doug slid the rod in and out of Carlos’ rectum. “Men, this is for all those years of oppression,” she screamed as she orgasmed.

New Fashion Trend Hits Rutgers

By Rob Stevens

A new T-shirt has begun popping up all over campus, lighting up the decadence that President Lawrence has initiated. The shirts are being sold in support of students challenging Lawrence and the exclusive monopoly he allowed the Coca-Cola Corporation to have on beverages served and sold on campus. Students of SAUCE —Students Against University Commercialism and Exploitation— designed the shirts calling attention a more fitting name for Rutgers. As most of our university’s T-shirts read, “Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey,” SAUCE’s shirts read, “Rutgers, a wholly owned subsidiary of the Coca-Cola Corporation.” The back of the shirt acknowledges the infamous chant, “Always Rutgers, Always Coca-Cola,” blasted over the loud speaker at Rutgers basketball games.

As president of SAUCE, I made sure that the first T-shirt was delivered right to President Lawrence (actually, to his secretary because he is never available to speak to students who have concerns). The second shirt was delivered to Ed Kozack, the VP of Auxiliary (who also happened to be busy – what a surprise!). I surely hope that they can wear the shirt proudly since the decision to pimp was exclusively theirs. Students at Rutgers are being exploited in the name of monetary gain from a corporation. Wearing the T-shirt stresses this fact more so. Some students I have spoken with told me that they disagree with the shirts and with SAUCE because they like Coke. What those individuals do not understand is that sauce and the shirts are not about favoring Pepsi or hating Coke, but rather about the administration turning our proud university into an exclusively –coke campus, which circumscribes freedom of choice. Many students think that Coke is donating money to the school to fund activities and athletics. This is a huge misconception. Coke is paying for exclusive rights to be the only beverage on campus and also for the right to use the Rutgers logo. Coke can advertise that “Rutgers students drink coke”; they are paying for this sort of marketing and advertising, which ultimately strengthens Coke’s imperialistic presence in society. With all this in mind, the SAUCE shirts are fitting because they stress exactly what Rutgers is: a wholly owned subsidiary of the coca cola corporation.

The cost of a T-shirt is one for $10 and three for $20. T-shirts are available by contacting Rob Stevens (robstev@eden.rutgers.edu) or by going to SAUCE’s web site: www.eden.rutgers.edu/~robstev/sauce.html.