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| February 4, 1998 | Features | Volume XXIX Number 13 |
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(This article was submitted by a mysterious man who claims to be an Islamic Mexican fundamentalist from deep within the realms of Busch campus. He also claims to be the king of Busch and Livingston campus, a fact that I could not confirm since I moved out of Busch after my freshman year and have been afraid to go back ever since then. I have translated the submission from an ancient language that only people with funny names like Abu and myself understand and hope that I did so correctly. Also, the views expressed in this article are not necessarily those of The Medium - Features Editor) Everyone seems shocked by the news that President Clinton may have cheated on his wife with the 21 year old Monica Stravinsky, or whatever her name is. However, I said years ago, that the leaders of this filthy country were evil when I used to protest the Gulf War along with the idiot pseudo-hippies from Rutgers. That, incidentally, is when I got the idea to come to this University. These so-called students did nothing but listen to R.E.M., smoke pot, and live off their parents money, so, I decided that this would be the best place to start my personal Jihad against the United States. The bastards that “study” here are lucky. My parents killed themselves during a suicide bombing of Israeli tourists in Tijuana when I was very young. I supported myself by opening up a 7-11 franchise in San Diego and doing gardening work for fat, lazy, and rich people in this country since I was 8 years old. I finally brought my wife and sneaked 8 of my children in my turban across the U.S./Mexican border, moved into Busch Campus, and enrolled in the engineering program so I can learn how to bomb the World Trade Center. It seems that destroying America won’t be too hard since the Head Infidel Bill Clinton’s penis is doing the job for me. However, I don’t understand the President’s choices in women. First it’s Hillary Clinton, Jennifer Flowers, and Paula Jones. Now it’s this Tara Lipinsky woman, or whatever her name is. My ancestors spit on Clinton’s tastes in women. I’d rather have sex with my own wife than these aberrations to beauty even though she has a full beard and weighs 456 pounds. Also, what kind of leader is this Clinton? If this was a leader in one of my homelands, he would have had sex with these women and then would have had their breasts cut off and stuffed in their mouths so no one would say anything to the press. You filthy Americans don’t have a chance in hell against the wrath of Abu Gonzalez when you’re being led by perverts like Clinton. I spit on all of you. MARICONS!!! THIS ARTICLE IS SLIGHTLY OUTDATED DUE TO COMPUTER PROBLEMS LAST WEEK. PLEASE PITY ME AND READ IT. Click here for more stuff Click here for the weekly Pipe Dreams Back to the main page |